Sometimes the funniest things in life aren't jokes, but things that happen in real life. So, for once I will just tell a true story. No one will believe that it is true, unless they talk to my family. But I will tell it anyway, just because it is so funny.
In my family there seems to be a thing with names.
By now, most of you know my name is Steven. What you don't know is that I have a younger brother, Todd, and a sister, Ginny.
Steven, Todd, and Ginny. Or abbreviated: Even, Odd, and Any
Seemed kind of convenient that our names were like that. Parents always assigned chores as follows: Even Day, Steven; Odd Day, Todd; and Any Day, Ginny. I've always wondered if our parents named us even, odd and any on purpose.
Kinda like when my grandparents named my Mom so that they would always remember her birthday. Her name is Kris Marie, which seems very coincidental considering she was born the day after Christmas. Chris Marie reversed is Marie Chris(tmas)
I know you might have thought no big deal: even, odd, & any, plus Marie Christmas, but it gets worse, much worse.
When I was a child, we lived in Indianapolis, in an upper scale yuppie setting. Our property was about 6 acres with lots of trees. So naturally, my parents named our German Shepherd "Timber". No big deal, right?
Now imagine my dad (his name is Jack) out chasing that dog, in a nice neighborhood, in a three-piece suit, yelling: "TIMBER". Neighbors started referring to him as Lumber Jack.
Then my Mom got a kitten. She loved Charlie Brown, so she named the cat "Peanuts". The cat ran away, so back out goes Dad, now yelling: "P E A N U T S", "P E A N U T S". Neighbors started thinking my dad had an interesting career, first a lumberjack and now a food vendor.
It gets worse. For my fifth birthday, against Dad's wishes, Mom got me a new puppy (He was getting tired of chasing animals with weird names at midnight). I wanted to name it after my favorite food, Hostess Ding Dongs. Dad tried to stop me, but I started crying in front of the guests at my birthday party. So I got my way. As usual.
This dog really loved to run.
Out goes Dad, looking for my dog, yelling, you guessed it: "DING DONG, DING DONG". Neighbors thought he wanted to be the town crier. They asked him to stop yelling "Ding Dong, Ding Dong and simply yell the time."
In the teen years, it was "Black Jack". At least with this one Dad felt like a winner.
Now that I am all grown up my Dad says I should name my next dog "Go Away". He wants me to confuse our old neighbors by yelling "COME HERE, GO AWAY" "COME HERE, GO AWAY".
I guess I should have listened. Instead I named my next dog, Kitty. I thought it was funny until the dog started to run. Here I am a grown man out in the middle of the night yelling, "Here Kitty, Here Kitty.. Kitty...". I guess dad got the last laugh after all.
Oh you think that's funny? You should have been here when I called to make an appointment to take my dog to the vet. I called up and asked to make an appointment for my dog. The receptionist asked what my dogs name was. Hmmm... After a moments hesitation I told her. Kitty. She hesitated and then asked me if I was making an appointment for a cat or a dog. I said a dog. She asked me the dogs name again. I said, "Kitty". Click.
Finally I was able to make an appointment for my dog, it took a couple calls and a lot of explaining (there was a lot of laughter in the background at the vets office), but I did get Kitty to the vet.
While kitty was in seeing the Doc, I was in the lobby, along with a couple of others, and the receptionist called me up. She said Kitty was almost done and then she asked me "How much does Kitty weigh?" to which I replied "Almost 30 pounds". About this time there was the sound of claws scratching on linoleum (Kitty loves to run even on a leash on a slippery linoleum floor) and the vets assistant said, "Here comes Kitty".
The lady behind me gave out a small gasp and started for the door. Until she saw Kitty was a dog. Then she started laughing. She explained that she has a fear of cats, that she had overheard the conversation between myself and the receptionist, and she thought I had a cat (kitty) that weighed almost 30 pounds. Then we all started laughing and Kitty just looked at us like we were all pretty strange.
Kitty loved to run. Her name also provoked a lot of laughter. I don't think she liked my sense of humor. She ran away and no matter how much I yelled, "Here Kitty", my dog never came back.
Just keep laughing Dad. I'm naming my next dog after you!
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